Wednesday, 06 May 2009
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Broken
We're all up in arms for silly things.
Just yesterday, in the moment of anger I dropped my phone as I was entering my Mom's house. To add to my fury I stepped on it, it was a clumsy effort to pick it up as I fumble around with other bags of groceries. I heard something cracked and knew I was done for. This was minutes after a rough call to make things even more worse.
The HTC Dream G1 Google phone, it was a piece of shit to begin with,
c'mon we all know,
nothing competes with the iPhone anyhow.
I picked up the back casing and the battery from the ground and did a twice over on the touchscreen. Its pretty beat up at this point.
After 4 attempts to reboot, the phone continued to stay stuck on that once cute green android start up screen.
This is starting to feel like Vista all over again.
But I won't turn on the camera to take a picture of this new Android look, I'm still a bit too angry.
It was all possibly due to my lack of communication skills when I am angry. Or maybe it was all due to the high raised fury we give each other in the moment of anger. I knew we needed a break. And a broken phone solved it. Setting the phone aside, knowing full well that communication was at a stand still tonight I decided to put my head down. There was no sense in sitting there alone and angry.
Two hours into my nap my broken phone started ringing...it was him.
I picked it up, and heard his voice, and suddenly...we were mad for stupid reasons. And that I love him. And I'm glad we both sucked up our prides so our relationship wouldn't be so broken anymore.
Its funny how easily we can break things...in quick reaction or without properly thinking, we can break anything.
And last night, I thought i broke my phone. But his phone call came through, and the phone was no longer broken. I guess that must be a sign.
Funny how sometimes, coincidences shows themselves in different ways, and some miracles do happen. And I really believe its all done with effort for reasons, I wouldn't know yet. But we can just call it "Love" for now.
---Lets try to be Angry in a different way.....and not the routine way that causes breaks....in all things. -
Like A Child, the Toy Chest I took with Me
"You've gone as far as the eyes can see....
Capturing hearts and souls of those whom amaze you.
Weathering and tearing the bindings of what displeases you......
...And all you've brought back was a Dark Mahogany toy chest?" She says, as she watches the boys haul in the rest of my items.
"We never had toys growing up remember? --and in books of a child's play, they've always have these... at the ends of a bed or sitting in a corner by the window, making all childhood seem normal" I said gliding my fingers across the soft wood it was obvious I was in deep thought. You can only wonder the life this object has served for kids of all ages and here I am as a grown woman hanging on to it, instead of passing the tradition onward like the prior owner at a garage sale.
On the floor in the hallway, the door stood open, piled everywhere else was trash bags filled with clothes.
"....Moving quickly?" she asked
There was this deep silence.
Mustering thoughts of the unnoticed betrayal.
The last conversations of that time stayed in my head.
"I'm taking my clothes and all that holds it...you can have everything else." I said, as Josh and Chris helped me take the last of the bags out to the car where they awaited in silence by the door. Like older brothers in case things went south.
"Don't, I'm sorry it was a mistake...I won't do it again.." he said, trying to reach out.
"Don't worry...I won't hold you to it. But it's just...over." I said quietly, I placed the glass of wine I held (as I awaited for his arrival home to hand over the keys) into the sink. It was 48 hours that had passed and we hadn't spoken a word to each other til I caught him with her. An emergency brief trip out of town with life saving friends, where I contemplated the life decisions that were ahead of me.
"Starting over...Something that took far too long..." I said looking away.
"Well...Welcome home. iT took us long enough....to finally get here...to all this.." she said and she left the room to pour juice for the hard working boys.
I looked up to see a smiling face and a look of relating emotions. This was something almost everyone went through. And for that I never felt alone.
I took in a deep breathe of air, and released it. I turned to face my friends who have now compiled themselves into my new home (that was amazingly bigger than anything I could of ever lived in) only to see Josh accidentally ripping the bag of underwear open on the front patio as he fumbled with other bags. His face turned cherry red, at the sight of a long time friend and boss's underwear being sprawled all over the wooden patio floor.
"uhhh, next time...I'll let you use the boxes in our warehouse okay?" He said and we all laughed.
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